Quest for happy 

I’m starting to feel human again after my last round of chemotherapy. Yay! 

I have been feeling pretty miserable. I spend a fair bit of time feeling sorry for myself and getting irritable and upset. I’ve been impatient with the children because I have been feeling sick and tired and achy. I’ve realised that I have been crying more lately. I’ve been thinking about Charlotte more. I’ve been wondering why we are living in the bottom of Tasmania away from our family. I’ve been feeling miserable about allowing my fitness to suffer recently. And mostly, I’ve been feeling very annoyed and aggravated because I won the cancer lottery. 

It has been nearly 5 months since my cancer diagnosis. And I have more months of more treatment and recovery to come. I have realised that if I keep allowing myself to spiral into negative thoughts and self pity, I’ll be so deeply entrenched in sorrow and depression that it’ll be really difficult to emerge. 

So. I have come up with a plan! My plan to peek out of my self pity and not let breast cancer get the better of me is to shove the negatives aside, leaving room for positivity only. Well, a bit of sadness is normal, so I’ll leave room for some tears if they need to flow. 

I’m a big list maker. I have a journal that I use to write my lists.  I love to make lists. Making lists makes me happy. Each day I write a list of things I need to get done that day. I make lists for weekly menus and jobs that need doing. I make lists of goals and things I want to achieve, like items I want to crochet or places I want to see. I make lists for parties and gifts to give and make. I just love making lists. It gives me a sense of accomplishment when I can tick something off my list. 

When I’m feeling down, I often make a list of things that make me happy. And when I am happy, I like to make lists of things that make me happy. I think it’s a good exercise to do. If I am feeling particularly low, I can meditate on my list and choose something to focus on. 

What makes you happy?